Wound too tight... holding it together-- January 2017

We all have a story... we all have things that are hard, things that make us smile... so owning my story and loving myself through the process is something I have gone back and forth on... I own my life and my choices and I'm not ashamed or regretful of them... although I haven't always loved myself through the process... I haven't felt worthy of love and belonging... I haven't felt enough... Although I can hold space for those who are hurting, I've had a hard time letting others hold space for me... or had a hard time finding someone who had the strength to hold the weight of my pain.  So I'm not sure what this blog will be or become... but I have known since January that an unraveling was coming that I'd been wound too tight to continue holding it in... I have had some moments of pulling apart in the past... I've had some therapy and worked extensively on my shit... but  somehow I've avoided the core... so I'm giving myself permission this year to begin to really unravel... to let myself lean in and feel it all, to hurt and heal, to be angry and loving, to lose myself in the process and hopefully find myself as well... I'm sure it won't be pretty and I'm open to letting myself share the darkness in hopes I will find my light, and maybe someone else will find their own from the glow of mine...