Abandonment runs deep.... June 4, 2017

I have always had abandonment issues... I have always struggled when people leave... I take it all personally like I'm not worth staying for... When my daughter told me she was moving to California, I knew it had been coming but I was in denial... I was unable to even think about it... I avoided the conversations and even tried to avoid going with them to move... With the last six months of my life I was left raw, bruised and battered... this was something I wasn't emotionally prepared to deal with... but I had to suck it up, I had to go and support them... it was exciting for her and her family... a new adventure... and I love her, my daughter, and her family with all that I have, so the pain of losing them close to me needed to be in the background, and my joy for her spreading her wings needed to be in the forefront... 


It's hard when your daughter and her sweet family move away... but Ive been blessed this weekend with the sweet mercies of comfort in life ... from signs from my angels, a strand of my hair stuck in a heart shape on my car door as I got in at 5:00 am for the drive, the feather on the ground as I parked my car at the new apartment building.... the friends and family of my son in law who showed up to move them in... the family dinner with the Ross's for Dexters bday and the love they show all of us... the new neighbor who welcomed my daughter and told her she would love it there... 

My eyes filled with tears many times this weekend... many because I'll miss them so much, but many more for the Gratitude of love that consumes me at this time... for supportive family and friends...for Brave moves... New Adventures ... and though I'm fighting it, the stretching of my growth to watch my daughter spread her wings wider and soar....