I Want to Wrap Myself Tight

I Want to wrap myself tight so I don't float away, but not too tight because I still want to sway with the flow...

To be held as to not be lost out to sea, but gently so I won't feel too confined...

I need a love like that, held but not smothered, flowing but rooted too...

I think in my life I've kicked myself loose from the seaweed thinking I was a good enough floater to stay close on my own...

As I've drifted too far sometimes, someone has puled me back and tethered me to them...

Those someone's have floated out to sea now...

No one to watch for me floating away...

And no one to pull me back...

So Ive just been floating out here...

Sometimes pulling myself back, and sometimes too tired to swim...

Where is new seaweed to wrap myself in, new vines to tether my heart too...

1-24-22

What I'd want to save for later

 What I'd want to save for later... That moment just the three of us in the car, the bubble of just my babies and me together again.

What I'd want to save for later... the giggles of my love nuggets, so in love with the time together.

What I'd want to save for later... bedtime cuddles with the ones who call me namae.

What I'd want to save for later... the moments under the tree in the valley listening to my mom and aunts telling stories.

What I'd want to save for later...  watching the sunset on the beach with waves crashing to the shore. 

What I'd want to save for later...  the deep orange red color of the sky as the sun leaves so my moon can come back home.

What I'd want to save for later...  the look in your eyes that seems to pierce my soul.

What I'd want to save for later...  the whisper of your voice in my ear making chills and bumps of excitement on my skin.

What I'd want to save for later...  the taste of mango and coconut stick rice.

What I'd want to save for later...  the warmth of the sun on my skin and a light breeze in the air.

What I'd want to save for later...the feeling of your arms reaching for me as you sleep. 

What I'd want to save for later...  one more minute of your lips devouring mine.

What I'd want to save for later...  the giddiness of seeing your face so clearly when I close my eyes.

What I'd want to save for later... This moment... this moment... this moment right now.

1-3-22

Like Secrets Held too Long

 Like secrets held too long...

Sometimes I say too much... share too easily...

and maybe its because there are things I can never say...

Secrets that must be held... 

Sometimes I say too much... 

Sometimes even from myself...

Maybe sharing too much is a trauma response...

Maybe telling so much of my story is a way of needling to be seen...

Yet knowing I'll still hide the shame of some...

I'm learning that my stories can help another...

I'm still surprised sometimes what people share with me...

Let me hold with them...

It feels like an honor, it feels like being let into a place few are allowed...

Holding space for them to find healing...

Looking deep in their soul, and not looking away...

Maybe my longing to be really seen gives me the capacity to really see...

I am learning to soak in the moments that have me catching my breath...

The burst of love like air blown in a babies face before they're submerged under water...

Maybe its to hold in the love so it can circulate inside my body, touching all the hidden places before I let it go to share it with the universe.

1-5-22

Drop In and Feel This

 Drop In and Feel This... The way your knowing just knows.

 Drop In and Feel This...The gentle burn of love coursing through your body.

 Drop In and Feel This... The release of breath you have been holding for years.

 Drop In and Feel This...The opening of what might be.

 Drop In and Feel This... The expansion of light inside.

 Drop In and Feel This... The wisdom of the ancestors whose collective came down to you.

 Drop In and Feel This... Your communion with the force greater than yourself.

 Drop In and Feel This... The giddy excitement of what's possible.

 Drop In and Feel This... The giving of myself to a greater collective.

 Drop In and Feel This... The bliss of using my gifts to bless others.

 Drop In and Feel This... The using of my words as salve on the wounds of your heart.

 Drop In and Feel This... The deep knowing that I am always coming home to myself.

12-10-21