Reclaiming my time
Here's what i want to say... too many years of fear... too much being small, then bright, then shrinking again...
Reclaiming my soul, the space where I live, the place where I go...
Avoiding my gifts, don't get too big for your britches, don't rock the boat, don't be too loud or laugh too much... keep your head down, stay in the lines which is hard to do when your don't see lines... its odd you know the way my head thinks and the way my spirit feels... I love coming home to this desk, this corner of my kitchen where my soul wraps with yours... how i feel I can show up all messy and wild and safe. And when I go out to the world sometimes, most times, I look around and can't find me, and I realize my soul is back here... I'm finding the balance, I hope from being meek and being too sharp...where I bite my tongue or I lash out with it... I'm hoping that i'm finding the place where my words are less sugary and just more authentic. Where I can say what i mean without fear or maybe not really... maybe the fear is ok cuz its something to push through to brave... where my words have more power, more depth, more authenticity... more love even for those who spew garbage... Where they are guided by my inner knowing and love even in the face of hate.
Octopus
Its odd the way I've felt like an octopus- always reaching for love and understanding for a man to "get me" How I cringe at wanting... How I feel unsteady at standing in my power, in my glory of me... How I teeter and tauter at my strength and my weakness... How the women I adore for their strength and courage might throw their heads back and laugh a deep laugh from the depth of their bellies at neediness-- how I see Maya pushing me to stand steadying my wobble like a new born calf... I hear her voice in my ear "you got this girl" with her rich deepened voice... How I stand and then stumble as I reach for a man... What the Hell, just stand girl, just stand... You've built the foundation you've gathered the stones... trust them to hold you steady, trust them to lean on when you fall... and hold space when you rise again... stop waiting, stop distracting yourself with nonsense... lean into this life the one you were given, or have chosen... its here its now... ride the bike, sing the song... swim the swim... draw the picture, write the story, dance the dance and love just really really love.
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