Equine Journey 4- You Can Trust the Promise of This Opening

You can trust the promise of this opening... 

Last night I stepped into his stall, he continued to eat as if I weren't there...

The new type of halter confused me I felt awkward where I was...

I knew I was on the wrong side, but with some help i haltered him and led him to the pen...

Inside I un-haltered him...

I knew I needed to move him around me in a circle, to get him trotting around the pen...

My voice too timid, like the times I held in my words...

I know what it was like to be made to run around someone, and controlled by their commands...

Then from the wild freeing of another, I realized leading him wasn't controlling, by guiding to build trust...

I happened, i lead him with my voice and my body, some stops and restarts like my own life...

Then change his direction, I was breathing heavy and as we stopped it seemed as if he lost interest...

Then he turned to me...

Looking to me...

Connecting to me...

I turned with my back facing him, and he moved forward til he nudged my back...

I walked and he followed...

My confidence wavered leading him...

He felt it too, and stopped...

I thought the moment was finished, I accomplished what I needed...

I stood by the fence processing, and I felt a shift, his nose was at my back again...

Snuggling his head into me, I continue to talk and listen as I rubbed his neck or kissed his cheek...

He stood there holding space for my unraveling, and my pulling pieces back together...

He nibbled at my shoulder and when an aha happened he would nudge me...

Like yes, that more of that...

I didn't want our love moment to end...

When I haltered him, he leaned into it this time, I led him back to his stall...

As I took off the halter, Angie said... I want you to know he's the alpha horse, the alpha of the whole herd... 

Those weren't his normal behaviors...

He doesn't usually nudge like that, or snuggle up like that...

As I moved to the gate to leave, he raised his head, I noticed him turning to watch me...

He's also still intrigued with our connection...

I walked to my car, maybe a little skip, or gliding, I felt light and lifted...

That pen, this beautiful alpha horse, pushed me to remember an alpha man who controlled me, stalked me, and sometimes still haunts my dreams...

This alpha horse came to hold space for my old fears and my pains...

To help me gain more of my voice back, to unearth with his hooves in the dirt, what I thought was buried... 

To bring to light another layer to release...

And to nuzzle and lean into me with love, while I lean into my light and find whats been lost of my voice.

9-15-21